Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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