I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And then he peed in my hair
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