If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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