2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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