he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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