I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
