1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
