are you so shy because you have an std?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
