and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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