i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
