I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
