I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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