OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
