the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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