Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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