i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
