The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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