Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
