I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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