the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
