Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
