I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
