i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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