I wanna bring you to show and tell
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
