Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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