Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
