Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
