so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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