yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
