my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
