yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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