the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
