I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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