my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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