I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
