it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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