i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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