your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize