legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
