On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
