you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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