there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
