I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
