i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
