On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
