wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
