I wanna passion pit in your ass
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
