yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
