Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
