Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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