yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
