I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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