I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Houston, we have a blender
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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