so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
