When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
