I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am available for nakedness
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
