508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
