so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize