I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
