go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
