omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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