Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You pole danced in your parka.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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