I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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