JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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