dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need water and some morals
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
