she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You pole danced in your parka.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
